GBP Chapter 599 Matchmaker: There's No Marriage I Can't Arrange
Chapter 599 Matchmaker: There's No Marriage I Can't Arrange
The Art of Language for Matchmakers
Matchmaker: There's no marriage I can't arrange.
[Actual situation: Boy: My family is destitute, we don't have a penny.]
The matchmaker introduced: "If you marry him, you'll have everything you could ever want."
[Actual situation: Boy: I have a mental illness]
The matchmaker introduced: "His family has a very powerful background; he can even commit murder without going to jail."
[Actual situation: Boy: I can only see with one eye]
The matchmaker said: "The young man fell in love with you at first sight and can't forget you."
[Actual situation: Boy's parents: My son is in a vegetative state, can he still get married?]
The matchmaker described the man as having excellent upbringing, rarely leaving his home, possessing a stable and good temper, never arguing back or talking back when hit or scolded, and being with him would mean you'd be in charge of everything, with no marital conflicts.
[Actual situation: Girl: I usually smoke and drink, and I have tattoos. I have a lot of friends who hang out with me.]
The matchmaker introduced her as a graduate student with a good personality and many friends. She said being with her made you feel very safe, and that if you were ever wronged by someone, she could find someone to stand up for you.
[Actual situation: Girl: I am a wanted criminal]
The matchmaker explained: "She's incredibly popular. Those who pursue her aren't ordinary people; they're all from government agencies or within the system. She's highly sought after."
[Actual situation: Girl: I am mute]
The matchmaker said: "This young lady is very gentle and quiet! You could scold her ten times and she wouldn't talk back. These days, it's rare to see such a gentle girl."
"Now I'm wide awake! I have to tell you about the word games I encountered back then. I was a freshman in college, just starting my internship, and the matchmaker really treated me like I was Japanese! [laughing and crying emojis]"
"1. Someone who is a little older than you and was born in the Year of the Rat = someone who is more than one cycle older and was born in the Year of the Rat."
2. A mother-in-law who is a good person with no bad intentions is equivalent to a mother whose IQ is roughly equivalent to that of a child of a few years old.
3. As for the conditions, I wouldn't say I'm extremely wealthy, but three houses are equivalent to three single-story houses in the village.
4. How could there be any help at home? I forgot whether I have two or three older sisters.
5. Gu Jia has a skill, and that young man has a knack for finding work = unemployed and lives with his parents but occasionally does odd jobs.
6. "Once you marry into the family, you'll be in charge and have all the decisions = the man is utterly useless."
Matchmaker: The family is harmonious, without any messy or chaotic things.
"My parents are divorced, and my brothers have lived separately; I see them less than once a year."
"I was introduced as working for a government agency, but when I asked, it turned out I was just a customer service representative at an outsourced company, handling complaints on the mayor's hotline [laughing and crying emoji]"
"Our boss played matchmaker for a beautiful, rich young lady in the customs declaration team, saying that she also worked in logistics, so they would definitely have common ground. But when the young lady met her, she found out that he was just a delivery guy. [laughing and crying emojis]"
Man: I don't have legs
Matchmaker: "This young man can show you his skills anywhere."
The ancestors under the celestial canopy were furious when they saw the despicable rhetoric used by matchmakers in later generations to persuade two families to marry, and then applied it to their own children's marriages.
Families who love their children can't imagine how much suffering their children would endure if they married someone with a physical disability, moral problems, a criminal record, and abject poverty.
This matchmaker really deserves to die. Doesn't her conscience hurt when she makes money like this?
If the matchmakers here acted like those on the Heavenly Canopy, abandoning all conscience for a little matchmaking fee, they would tear up the marriage contract and beat up the matchmaker to vent their anger!
A local matchmaker: Why do we feel like the people around us are looking at us with such coldness, making us tremble with fear?
No, these are all the bad things done by those awful matchmakers in later generations. What does it have to do with us?
We are all well-known and excellent matchmakers in the area. If any family we help to get married doesn't say a good word, then we will be blamed for all the bad things that happen to them in the future!
As for those couples whose relationships didn't go well after marriage, the matchmaker looked around nervously, her eyes filled with unease: "That's definitely their own doing, it has nothing to do with me. Besides, it's normal for couples to bicker; they fight in bed and make up in bed."